PSST . . . Newcastle driver. Ever wound up a window because of the smell from the racecourse?
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You're not alone. That pong has won the roundabout on Beaumont and Dumaresq streets a berth in the 2014 calendar Roundabouts of the World.
The annual is published by - wait for it - the UK Roundabout Appreciation Society. The other winners are scattered from Nigeria to India to Cuba, and the racecourse roundabout will be the November pin-up.
What's more, it's been bestowed the Gyratory Galactico Award (the Brits sometimes call a roundabout a "gyratory"). What a win for our town. Topics is getting teary.
"An oasis on a sea of tarmac, this sedate yet quirky little brick-ringer island with its pristine red centre core and cycle-friendly road surface signs perfectly fits in with the dynamic Broadmeadow racecourse backdrop," said the society's president Kevin Beresford, aka Lord of the Rings.
The copious amounts of nearby manure mean the roundabout can claim to be the smelliest in the southern hemisphere, says Beresford.
But the odour didn't dent its case for inclusion in the calendar.
"Indeed, it only added to such a delightful one-way gyratory capturing the hearts of the committee," said Beresford.
"Citizens of New South Wales and Newcastle should feel very proud of this high roundabout accolade."
We weren't sure who should accept the award on behalf of the roundabout. No one was in a rush to.
"It is probably not our place to comment on this one as clearly it was the ambience created by the four-legged residents at the racecourse that confirmed the win," a Newcastle City Council spokeswoman said.
Well-informed fugitive
MOST of the praise for the Channel 7 documentary Malcolm Naden: Australia's Most Hunted has, rightly, flowed to Newcastle actor Dominic Dates, who portrayed the former fugitive.
Dates was spellbinding as Naden on Wednesday night. TV re-enactments have come a long way since Australia's Most Wanted.
Topics was equally impressed with the detail in the gritty production, which left no room for the bush romanticism that clouded early coverage of the manhunt.
Naden's campsites around Nowendoc were strewn with charred meat, cans of insect spray and, to our surprise, copies of the Newcastle Herald.
Naden used this publication to light campfires. Is it possible he read it, too? Read this very column?
New road, new derby
WHAT? The F3's called the M1? When did this happen?
On August 18, which you already know if you read the Herald story about it last month (it slipped us by). The road is now the M1 Pacific Motorway, to be precise.
That's all well and good and we're sure someone in Transport got a special plaque, but Topics wonders where that leaves the F3 Derby.
Will the Newcastle Jets and Central Coast Mariners now clash in the M1 Derby, or is there scope for a better name?
In Spain, Real Madrid versus FC Barcelona is known as El Clásico, while Scotland's Celtic and Rangers meet in the Old Firm Derby.
In sunny Greece, matches between Olympiacos and Panathinaikos are known as "Derby of the eternal enemies". Just a thought.