MOST ratepayers in Newcastle support a 37per cent rate rise over the next five years. Apparently.
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We know this because the council told us so. It commissioned some people to do a survey or two and the results were unambiguous.
Perhaps you find this surprising. Perhaps you do not recall being asked to participate in the survey. Perhaps you are one of the minority of selfish penny pinchers who don’t like the idea of paying your way.
A leaner, rather than a lifter. Not really a bona fide member of Team Newcastle.
You should be ashamed of yourselves and you should get with the agenda. Line yourselves up with the majority. Get aboard the light rail and travel at light speed to the golden future. Stop holding up progress with your commie Berlin walls and learn to love what’s being done. It’s good for you.
We need 17-storey residential towers, no questions asked.
We need to build something, anything, on the rail corridor. Because we need connectivity.
We need to cram a new heavy rail terminus into a little space west of Stewart Avenue so that property values can rise. Make the students and court clients walk a couple of blocks if they can’t afford the marvellous new residential units that some clever people with miracle foresight will build for them right nearby.
Join me, and my friends in the Newcastle shadow government, as we bombard social media and blog sites with messages like: Hurry up and rip it up. Let’s get on with it. Don’t look behind that curtain.
Personally, I am looking forward to paying extra council rates. It’s the least I can do, considering the incredible value for money involved in the transaction.
How clearly I recall that special evening when I was consulted for my opinion on the rate rise.
Actually, I can’t remember at all, but I have a vague feeling it might have gone something like this:
Ring, ring. Ring, ring. Ring, ring.
Hello?
Hello?
Click, buzz, whirr, click.
Hello?
Hello am I spicking to the hommoner?
Hello?
Hello my name is Daniel or Michael or David and I am teleffoning you from Adelaide or Melbourne hello.
Oh no. Let me guess. You are from Microsoft and my computer is about to die unless I grant you access?
Oh no, sir, not today, sir.
OK, so you are from Telecom something something and you have a phone deal for me?
Heavens no, sir, not today, sir. Can I ask you some questions, sir, please, this will take about seven minutes and this call may be reckodded do you ugree, sir?
Sure, why not.
OK, good, very good, sir. First question is would you prefer a 37per cent rise in your council rates ...
No, not a chance. No way.
May I finish my question please, sir? Would you prefer a 37per cent rise in your council rates to being stampeded by a herd of angry buffalo?
What? Are you crazy? What sort of stupid question is that?
Just yes or no please, sir.
That’s a rubbish choice. Of course I don’t want to be stampeded by buffalo.
Very good, sir. That is a yes. Second question: Would you prefer your city of Nukazole to be a dirty slum or a lovely clean place?
This is pathetic. Of course I don’t want it to be a slum.
Good answer, sir, may I say, sir, you are very astute, now here is question three: Would you rather give your money to Nukazole City Council or to a horrible terrorist with a big knife? Take your time if you like.
I’m not answering this nonsense. Who are you, why are calling me? Why do you phone every night at dinner time?
Goodbye, sir. Two out of three is good enough. Your call was important to us. Please stay on the line for a short customer satisfaction survey. Please press two to be transferred. Don’t forget to push the hash key.
