CAROLINE Drayton still cannot bear to walk into the winery that killed her beloved son and almost put a stop to generations of winemaking.
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A massive explosion followed by a deadly fireball were the first indicators that her idyllic world would be changed forever.
With tears welling in their eyes, Mrs Drayton and her husband Max spoke for the first time about how, 12 months ago today, their world was shattered in an instant.
They spoke of the utter despair at losing their son Trevor and contractor Edgar Orgo, and the injuries to their winemaker William Rikard-Bell, and how, immediately after the tragedy they wanted to "just walk away from everything".
The couple will mark today's anniversary by attending church and having a quiet day at home with their family after a year filled with sadness, "unbelievable kindness" and a determination to rebuild for Trevor's sake.
But memories of that disastrous day are never far from their minds.
Mrs Drayton vividly remembers speaking to Trevor, a leading Pokolbin winemaker, 10 minutes earlier on the telephone.
"I think I must have been the last person alive to talk to him," Mrs Drayton, who saw her son daily, said.
"We just had an ordinary conversation, just like the conversations you have with someone you see all the time."
In fact, it was an ordinary day for the family, who went about their normal chores, with Mr Drayton making his time honoured trek to the vineyard, the part of the winemaking process he liked best, and Mrs Drayton working around the house.
Set high on a hill, their home offers a perfect vantage point of the winery they love so much.
It is an uninterrupted view that is usually a source of pride and joy for the family which has grown grapes in the area since the 1850s, but one that turned into a nightmare for a mother who still grieves deeply for the son who "always had a lovely smile".
Mrs Drayton was working in the back of her home when she heard the explosion, running instinctively to the front window.
"When I saw the fireball I just knew it would be bad," she said.
"I drove the car down, but I really don't know how I got there, where I put the car. I just remember family and local people rushing to me. I saw John [eldest son] coming towards me and he tried to calm me. Everything will be all right he said. Then we saw Greg [youngest son], but Trevor wasn't there."
"I'll never forget the moment we realised Trevor was gone," Mrs Drayton said.
"I still can't remember much before or after it, but that moment was awful."
Mrs Drayton said she had only been back at the winery once since the accident.
"That was just after it happened. It was terrible. I said 'I'm never going back', but I know one day I will have to for the family's sake."
The new winery is expected to be completed soon. The couple's son Peter, a builder, is overseeing the work.
Mrs Drayton, 76, spent almost as much time in the winery as her husband and children in younger days.
"I was involved in the bottling and labelling of wine and they were fun times," she said.
"Max still works in the vineyard every day. He loves it even after everything that has happened and he passed that on to Trevor."
The couple are proud of their son's achievements, including being dux of his year at Roseworthy Agricultural College in South Australia and his many industry awards.
"He didn't tell us a lot of what he had done or any of his good deeds. We found that out afterwards," Mrs Drayton said.
"There were 1200 people at his funeral, it was one of the biggest ones to come out of Cessnock. People from all walks of life were there."
The couple say their sadness has been made more bearable by the help and support of their close-knit family, friends, and even "people we hardly know".
"The warmth and kindness shown to us has been unbelievable and we were shocked at what extent people wanted to help. We couldn't have imagined it," Mrs Drayton said. "We still have the inquest to face, but we hope life will be a little easier and more settled when that is all over."
Mr Drayton said Trevor loved the history of the family, how his great-great-grandfather Joseph had started the winery.
"When this all happened, I wanted to just walk away," Mr Drayton, 77, said. "I said to the boys 'let it all go', but we realised that's not what Trevor would have wanted."
Mrs Drayton said Trevor, who had lived with them up until six years before he died, would visit them every day.
"He built a home next to us but he still came for lunch," she said. "He would ring to say where he was or if he had been away he would call in for dinner at night.
"But we are not the only ones to go through something like this. I read about it every day. So many people have sadness.
"We know he will never walk through the door. We know he has gone, but we still think of him every day. All any of us have are the memories."
