During a week in which I look at buying a new oven, US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo moots the idea of putting missiles in Darwin.
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Make that "mutes" the idea when confirmation is sort from Australia's PM and Minister for Defence.
It's a touching subject during Mr Pompeo's visit Down Under and comes in the wake of the US withdrawal from the Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces (INF) Treaty.
Seems Mr Pompeo is shopping around for places on the planet from which to aim "disincentives" at enemies of freedom.
He whimsically fails to not rule out the Port of Darwin, which Australia recently leased to the Chinese for 99 years.
And there I was thinking the build-up traditionally kicks off around September in the Northern Territory. Looks like it's started a bit early this year.
Bloody geo-political climate change.
It might send a message, Mr Pompeo suggests. Of a ballistic nature. Encouraging transparency and human rights.
It puts Australia in an awkward position though, with our allies and our partners, as they like to say down in Canberra.
To put it in fast food parlance: Aussies like US fast food and Aussies like Chinese takeaway. But do we like pork spare ribs in blackbean sauce more than smoked barbecue ribs with a touch of sabre-rattling?
Words like imperialism and hegemony get bandied around pretty quick and suddenly it's feeling like a choice between Peking duck, or just plain duck, for cover. No chance, says Mr Pompeo. The days of Australia being a middle power in the Pacific are coming to an end, he announces. You'd hope this means we're on the way up. But not blown up, which is always a historic downside if you pick the wrong side.
I'm reminded of that old phrase "War - coming to a theatre near you". But it's not come to that just yet, right? We're only up to the trade war stage. And given Australia does so much trade with China, we'd hardly want to label it a war as such.
More a pricing debate, where superpowers discuss whether they'll pay now or charge later. US rock star Alice Cooper possibly summed up Australia's precarious position best when he crooned: "Yuan me ain't no superstar, but what we are is what we are."
Now Mr Pompeo wants to know what we are, Australia. All the way with LBJ? Or take the jump with Donald Trump. To add that Strangelove touch, military experts suggest the Darwin missile ploy will be meaningless unless its nuclear.
It's easy at the best of time losing your marbles in the NT during the build-up. Imagine having the option of hitting the "go" button on a nuke.
I only mention all this because I've been looking to buy a new oven. The thermostat on the old one has gone and it's time to upgrade.
As usual the question is getting one that suits my needs. Ideally, it'll be multi-function and self-cleaning - just how I like my international diplomacy. The trick, as always, will be not overcooking things.
