The transition from winter doona to summer coverlet has been a hot and cold topic of conversation in our house over the last week.
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And when I say hot, I probably mean mildly overheated and then stony cold, bearing an uncanny resemblance to debates either way.
For that I blame seasonal uncertainty.
The feral cold snap that whipped across the East Coast on Tuesday certainly vindicated advocates of keeping the heavy blankets in place.
Unfortunately, prior to that, in the wake of those balmy nor-east-south-north-westerlies the weekend before, there'd been a push to switch to the more summer bed vibe.
And both times we got it slightly wrong, by about 24 hours, and 15 degrees Celcius.
Talk about highs and lows heading into Spring. It just highlights the complex and often wayward analysis that goes into reading a weather map and then making a bed.
But as the old saying goes, once made, you have to sleep in it. And as Goldilox famously pointed out, if it ain't just right, there can be issues moving forwards, rolling sidewards, and generally being restless.
Not to mention cold tootsies.
It's a big issue in lockdown, I know, with little likelihood of a Freedom Day, but discussion around whether we should swing back to the lighter coverlet as opposed to the suffocatingly reliable duck down is always a tricky one in September.
And better duck down if you think you have an opinion because it'll be ignored.
Decisions in this area tend to get made more in the great tradition of Australian submarines. The boss puts a call in about 8.30pm the night before and things go nuclear.
Unfortunately some of us don't have the luxury of withdrawing their ambassador so we wait until diplomatic conditions thaw.
That is, until I get over it and into it.
"It" being taking a doona cover off one doona and putting it on another, for potentially pointless reasons.
Now, there's a feeling that I oppose change in this regard on the basis that I don't like doing it. And that's remarkably perceptive given how little attention is usually paid to my protests.
But my point is, if changing a donna is so simple, then why does it always fall to me? And I'm going to leave that one alone, given my name is Simon.
Theory goes, though, that if you grab the doona corners just right, ala Goldilox, and shake it just ferociously, ala an SAS training video, the doona will magically invert into all the right places and fit the bed perfectly.
Practice suggests, however, it will go in longways instead of sideways, the doona cover will remain inside out and you'll have to do the process all over again.
Once you get your breath back.
Some call this spatial impairment.
I'm still looking for words that describe doing something for nothing in anticipation of doing the reverse shortly after for the same dodgy reasons.
Pessimism goes close, I think. But I live in hope. That I'll get it right next time.
