Farmers Watching Farmers Wanting Wives Blog 9: Farmers' families swing by

Among Farmer Harry's family circle that enters tonight, is Grace. Surely she is the kindly, childhood friend. Perhaps that's the sequel we don't see after the series.

More to come on that later.

FIRST up, the potential partners submit anonymous date ideas for the farmers to choose. There is no insight into what budgets they have been given.

For instance, what if someone submitted that they wanted to fly to France for lunch on the Eiffel Tower, or Venice for champagne on the canals, or the Deni Ute Muster to look at utes.

Benjamin informs us he has sparked up. Hopefully that's a metaphor because any spark near that beard could be disastrous.

Lyndsay's hair has gone back to mega-coil status.

There are repeated insights into Farmer Benjamin/Costa's theatrical callings this episode. Firstly, he gives some flair to date-picking process by shuffling pieces of paper like a seven-year-old shuffles cards.

He pick's Hannah's date idea to build a tree swing followed by a sunset picnic at Ducket's Hill, opting against a personal quiz and something about tennis whites.

THERE'S a fair bit of engineering involved with Paige as the continual topic of building walls and dropping walls comes up.

Cody and Ayden's matching boots are noted as they head out to shovel manure for a neighbour.

We are yet to see Paige actually do much farm work. There appears to be plenty of horse riding and community/neighbour helping (all to be commended) but that's not paying for the lucerne hay the beloved nags are chewing through.

FARMER Ben makes the most of his free labour, getting them to draft some calves. He's just short of using dog calls like "get around" and "hold".

Some of the girls brandish 30-foot lengths of polypipe in order to get this job done.

Getting amongst it is newcomer Kiani, who has a definite Katy Perry look to her.

WITH Will's apparently fully-automated farm on auto-pilot, he goes for a swim with his ladies at an undisclosed body of water. He'd better find out the exact location before his live cross back to the studio for the weather report.

He warns them of yabbies, probably because the yabbies have plenty of flesh to aim at courtesy of the scant bathers.

Newish intruder Holly has borrowed Linda Kozlowski's togs from that famous scene in Crocodile Dundee.

A SHORT aside to pay genuine tribute to the camera operators/cinematographers capturing the stunning scenery.

After breathtaking vision of misty valleys, time-lapse moon risings, silhouetted fairy wrens on mulberry branches and majestic rolling paddocks, it's almost a shame to have to refocus on the footage of every single potential partner reiterating the fact they really, really want to go on another solo date.

The drone shots are plentiful and skillfully used. There are so many they will be rivaling the ABC's Landline for the Best Use of Drone Footage for Agriculture Reporting category at the Logies.

No doubt the livestock must be well-spooked. Perhaps that's why Farmer Ben issued the long polypipe, in hopes one of the girls would "accidentally" swipe one from the sky.

WILL chooses to build a herb garden in order to make cocktails with Madi.

It's nice to see the return of the ornate drinking glasses, which must be relieved, having avoided being filled with a lit candle.

Will splutters out: "I want to live with you." That seems like an unretractable commitment but such is this show.

It seems they've built this garden on his property so are the other girls just watching through the window? One wonders.

FARMER Georgiadis describes all suggestions as "very sensational ideas". Erin's carved up he didn't go for hers.

Farmer Costa continues to push for his polygamy commune idea by repeatedly re-re-reinstating once more again over and over and over that he has connections with all three of his ladies.

But it's with Hannah and some gear from Bunnings he sets out to build a tree swing. No one from Better Homes and Gardens turns up to make it for them, so they get it done.

It's finished. He sits on it. It holds. Hannah sits on it. It holds for a few seconds, then slips slightly.

Costa wisely makes no mention of this.

Curiously, there is a giant (as in, coffee table-sized) rip saw blade casually resting beside the trunk of the tree. Not sure the swing will survive the 20-30 year plan Farmer Benjamin talks about, considering it could be within prime timber felling country.

Here arrives another theatrical highlight from Farmer Costa Shakespeare, who doest sayeth thus: "I shan't ever forget the feelings imparted on that swing." He has the part of Othello in the bag.

A sneaky bit of product placement is snuck in quite sneakily with an Aldi bag on the wicker lounge (Fantastic Furniture, spring catalogue) making an appearance.

While the Bard would be proud of Costa's earlier efforts, he would be less proud of the summation of the date from Farmer Benjamin Lloyd Webber who trots out: "She's caught the feels just like I've caught the feels for her."

Hugh Jackman is quickly contacted to take over the Othello role.

WHILE managing to read the suggestions out loud, after sounding out some of the big words, Harry decides on Tess's idea for a date by the dam.

Farmer Harry is looking forward to having some deep, perhaps tough, conversations with Tess over some concerns.

"Maybe not start off on that note but definitely address them," he says. Wisdom beyond his years, all 12 of them.

Farmer Harry is shown putting some product in his hair, without his mum around to do it. On the date, he and Tess walk through prime snake habitat and take car tyre tubes into the water for a float about in what he describes as pretty much his dream date.

Tess' togs don't match but she's had a lot on her mind so can be forgiven.

"I didn't expect you to be as awesome as you are," is her line of the night at this point.

BEN and Leish are off to chuck paint at canvas. Prior to this, Farmer Ben is also shown putting something through his hair. It could have just been residual udder cream so at least his scalp won't be cracked and sore.

They end up with Jackson Pollock-esq pieces which would have fetched quite handy prices if they hadn't resorted to finger painting.

Looking like they've just smashed through the set of The Wiggles, they share some steak over an open grill amid some improved pasture.

ADYN wins a chance to impress Paige by taking her on his date idea of a horse ride followed by a picnic beside yet another dam.

He must have gotten the bigger budget because he presents her with a dress, plus there is champagne and a considerable fireside set-up.

It's hard to know if they are talking about the Old Testament story of Joshua and the battle of Jericho or the great divider of Berlin in 1989, but there's plenty of talk of walls coming down. Again.

Oh wait; scratch either of those historical references; it's emotional walls.

Facial masks are put on and Adyn pretends to be Michael Myers from 1978's Halloween, while Paige is just short of uttering: "Ready when you are, Sergeant Jim Pembry," in her best Anthony Hopkins voice.

With his mind scheming on how to knife Laurie Strode, he's forgotten to check the damper. Thankfully, the top crust is near-Fast Ed perfect, while the bottom is charred black, like the rear end of a cat that sat on a stove hotplate.

CHILDHOOD friend Grace plus Harry's mum and his brother, sporting a weapon-head permullet (perm + mullet = permullet) reckon he should spend more time with Bronte.

Mum describes her as "his cup of tea", which is hard to reconcile because all we've seen him drink is grog. Oh, and that water through a straw in an old milk bottle at the dam date with Tess earlier this episode.

IN OTHER NEWS:

Grace and Harry's mum do all the talking, and even though they differ on who they think old Haz should take out one more time, Captain Permullet doesn't get to voice an opinion.

It's also noted he isn't left alone with the girls as they'd probably abandon Farmer Harry for the man with the curly ape drape.

WILL'S sister is named Fliss. Between the name of Farmer Benjamin's new dog, Skragg/Gregg/Skruff/Squiff/Quigg, it's hard to keep track of these titles.

Flissakagg and the mum do all the talking, leaving us with another muted contributor, Farmer Will's dad, who looks suspiciously like a pace bowler. It would have been good to get his insights having been on the '74 test series under the Chappell brothers but alas, no.

They select Jess, and her two eyebrows, to go on the romantic overnight date with Will.

OVER at Groovyville, the producers obviously have a dead plotline to trim. Despite his prolonged, drawn out umming and ahhing about every single decision regarding relationships so far, Farmer Benjamin suddenly has a moment of distinct clarity and sends Swiss Madelene home.

He blubbers on about not connecting (check) and that he can't open himself up again (so rule out DIY heart surgery) in what is a hashed-up version of the Seinfeld, "it's not you, it's me" line.

"I guess this is where we part ways," he says. Benjamin moves on and Madelene rejoins the Totally ABBA tribute show on tour.

There are questions lingering though. Did she take the dog, Skaggfliss, with her? Will the dog's name revert to the English, making it just, Beard?

Anyway, his sister, Kate, reveals that he used to make them do plays at home, so the theatre references are complete. She chooses Erin to go on the romantic overnight date.

What gets her over the line is probably the jacket she borrowed from the T-Birds in Grease.

Lyndsay is gutted, like the fish caught using one of the lures she's wearing as earrings.

BEN'S parents Simon and Jenny rock up. Kiana Perry admits she's quite confident with parents and that she can "just naturally get on with them."

How many sets of parents is she meeting on a regular basis? There's a shot of her passing the honey mustard sauce to the potential mother-in-law. That's got to be some brownie points right there.

Most viewers are shocked to see that... (just looking up her name... oh yeah, that's right)... Maddison is still there. She's had about as many lines as Lord Permullet.

Ben's parents excuse themselves in order to decide who they think would be best for their boy. Or it could have just been the honey mustard repeating on the mother.

When the parentals suggest Benny (so called by his dad) should go on the date with Leish, Kiani does a dry retch in a later interview.

The drama gets high when she walks because she doesn't want to stand there. She could just be heading off to do an appearance as the official face of Menulog at present, but instead, a carefully channeled halogen beam shows her sitting on the grass having a sulk.

Ben goes to console and seems hesitant to sit on the grass beside her, lest he ruin his new Rivers trousers.

PAIGE'S mum and younger sister, Lara (or the girl hired to play her sister because they seem to have zero resemblance to each other) turn up to cast their eyes across Adyn and Cody.

She's going to have to get council approval at this rate because there is more talk of wall building and deconstruction.

Paige's mum, who could also be JK Rowling, declares Paige should go on the date with Cody, before also announcing: "It's about time for us to go."

They then vanish up the floo network via the nearby fireplace.

Cody is right stoked, triumphantly signing off with: "It's Cody time".

It's about this point in these shows that they bring back a successful couple from a previous series to show that it can all work out. It'd be more interesting though if they'd brought back every single contestant to voice their real thoughts, but that's not going to happen. Stay tuned for the return of previous familiar faces. Lay it down.