Kalyn Ponga has revealed the true extent of his concussion woes, saying he "100 per cent" thought his career was over before being cleared by neurological tests in Canada this year.
Subscribe now for unlimited access.
or signup to continue reading
The Knights skipper, speaking on a mental-health focussed podcast this week, discussed the tumultuous period when his career was in limbo following a head-knock in Newcastle's second game of the 2023 NRL season.
He also spoke about his life at-large, his love of Newcastle and how he was almost lost to AFL as a rookie.
But after sitting out the last six matches of Newcastle's 2022 campaign due to a spate of head-knocks, Ponga's career was thrown into turmoil when he was concussed barely a minute into his side's round-two clash with Wests Tigers this year.
The incident prompted questions about his future in the game and sidelined him indefinitely until he got the all-clear in Canada to return.
"I thought I was done. 100 per cent," Ponga said of his mindset before heading to Vancouver.
"Especially with all the noise that was back in Australia. There was so much noise around 'he needs to retire, he has had too many'."
Speaking with former Titans and Eels forward Keegan Hipgrave, who was medically retired from the NRL due to concussion and now hosts a podcast, Keegan & Co, Ponga said while his symptoms from the head-knock only lasted "a few days", it took an emotional toll.
"I knew as soon as it happened, it was more than just a concussion - media is going to be all over this, people were calling for me to retire," he said.
"It wasn't a prolonged thing. A little bit of fuzziness, blurriness and [I] felt weird ... but I say that, and was it just that I was so emotional from everything that was going on?
"The media was all over it, my mum and dad, friends, teammates - I don't know if I was just extremely emotional.
"I was probably in limbo for a week, no one really knew what to do.
"No one was talking to me, doctors weren't saying anything and I probably felt like I had no purpose in that week. It was the weirdest I've felt."
The club's marquee player prepared for the worst.
"I sat down with my mum and dad a day before we left. They were like, 'there's really two outcomes; you can go over there and they'll say you're sweet, or you can go over there and you're done; you're retiring'," Ponga said.
"My dad was like, 'what are you going to do if it's the second one?' I was like, 'I'll find something, I'll find my feet'.
"But that moment clicked me a little bit, probably made me realise what I've got."
A six-minute test was the catalyst for Ponga to return, but he had to complete further activities.
"Literally at the end of that six minutes I could have been told two answers," he said.
"I was all right.
"My objective results were sweet. They said probably just to train a little bit more in this area.
"I stayed there for three days ... the people over there were so welcoming. It was so seamless it was almost too good to be true.
"They made that experience enjoyable, especially when I got the good news.
"So I had some things to do coming back, and I did that for probably three months, but just to go over there and have that clarity and reassurance that I was sweet, because there was so much noise in Australia saying to retire."
Ponga missed five matches before returning off the bench in round eight. He abandoned his positional switch to five-eighth just three games later.
After returning to fullback, and missing out on Queensland selection, he went on to produce arguably the best form of his career, claiming the Dally M Medal for the first time on the back of Newcastle's 10-game winning run into the finals.
"It was crazy. It felt like two seasons in one," Ponga said.
"But right now, I'm 25, [and] especially after this year, I feel like I'm just getting started.
"I honestly do.
"I feel like I'm in a really good place. I'm happy, the team - hopefully we can continue what we did last [season]."
Ponga will return for pre-season training later this month, along with the bulk of Newcastle's first-grade squad.
MORE KNIGHTS NEWS